RIP Fuz

So after the big blowup mess with Sam and Scott on Monday I didn't think things could get much worse. Boy was I ever wrong. I had taken Calvin to stay at Mommaw's because I needed to get away from Sam. We went to bed around 2 or 3am after talking with Mommaw for a long time and trying to get Cal to sleep in a new place. Around 7:20 my phone rings and I see that Kiki is calling. I answered and she is crying. Fuz died in his sleep. He was only 27 and had a wife, 3 kids, and so many loving family members. I was totally shocked as was everyone else. It's been a week now and I still can't stop thinking about it. I feel almost guilty for being upset, like I don't have a right to be because I wasn't close to him. I feel like it is an insult to those that were close to him to admit that I'm upset about it. I don't know why I over-think these things so much. I just keep thinking about what his wife, parents, brother, sisters, and kids must be going through. Life just isn't fair :(

Good Riddance!

Lots going on lately. I will start with what happened first.

Well the s*** finally hit the fan last Monday. I had known since soon after Sam met Scott that he smoked. She tried to hide it from me thinking I bought her story that they liked to "go on walks" in 20 degree weather. Yea, like I'm that stupid. She asked me to stop at the gas station Sunday night so Scott could "pick something up". I knew what this something was so when he went inside I looked at her and said "I know what he is buying". She decided to play dumb and said "what?" I said "I know what he is buying I'm not stupid." She acted like a deer caught in headlights. For the rest of the night and all day the next day she acted like nothing had happened. The next night after I took John to work I was sitting in the living room on the couch when I saw that Sam had posted new facebook pictures. One of them she had her head right against his and he had a cigarette in his mouth. I have no idea what she was thinking posting a pic like that knowing how I feel about smoking or being around smoking when you're pregnant. I commented on the picture "way to give your baby birth defects Sam."

Long story short Scott comes downstairs, goes and has a cigarette, then comes inside and confronts me. He got mouthy and was being an asshole. He said "want me to get my shit and leave?" HAHAHA! Way to give me an opening! I told him to get his shit and get out. Sam was gone the next day. How's that for showing how much she cares about her family? Choosing a guy she has been with for a couple months over her sister? And just because I told him to get out. He wasn't supposed to be staying here anyway which I had repeatedly told her. She didn't even come talk to me about it like the "adult" she thinks she is. I sent her a final facebook message and told her how I feel (not nicely at all). I want nothing more to do with her after this. I'm sick of being used and hurt.

My cloth diapering journey

I've been wanting to write about my cloth diapering "adventure" for awhile now but just never had the time. I was extremely interested in using cloth from the minute I saw gdiapers. They seemed so cute and awesome that I was convinced I was going to use them. For some reason I didn't think to look up other brands. I was just stuck on gdiapers. The problem was the start up cost. I couldn't figure out how I was going to afford it. Plus I was afraid that I wouldn't like it and would waste my money. I ended up getting 3 size small gdiapers but I didn't get any inserts. I wanted my baby shower invitations to say "no disposable diapers" but since it was planned pretty much without my say in anything that didn't happen. A lot of people knew through word of mouth that I planned on using cloth so I got a  bunch of gerber prefolds, pins, and plastic pants. If only good cloth diapers were actually available in stores

With the money I got from my babyshower I bought some medium gdiapers and some gflapper inserts. I started trying them on him around 2 months old because he was so big.

They didn't work well at all for breastfed poo. I started to use them a lot by the time he was around 4 months old. When he was 6 months old I got some kawaiis and I've been doing full time cloth ever since.

So far my favorite diapers have been sunbabys but I really like all of the diapers I have for different reasons. He is getting some alvababys for his birthday and I can't wait to try them. Overall most people were very negative when I said I wanted to cloth diaper but I will never regret my decision for a second. I really can't understand why anyone would use disposable if they knew how easy cloth diapering really is. For a few hundred dollars I can diaper all the kids I will ever have and all I have to do is do a couple extra loads of laundry a week. Totally worth it to me! Plus cloth is sooo cute! Now Kiki and Samii are both pregnant and both plan to use cloth and I couldn't be more excited. I love the idea of not being the only one around here that uses them!

 

Cal and Eve's Sleepover take 2!

Kyrie and Evelyn came to stay again from January 20th through January 27th. As always we had a blast. Cal and Eve are interacting with each other more and more each time we get them together. We took them to the skate place twice and to the mall to play. We even had a mock birthday party for them and they had pumpkin harvest spice cake (yummy!).Evelyn wore Calvin's cloth diapers while she was here. I must say I enjoyed having two in cloth for a week. Kyrie had planned to stay longer but she had a doctor's appointment the 28th so she had to go home early. Can't wait to get together again soon :). Calvin also started standing alone while they were here. I think he is trying to keep up with Evelyn.

Calvin is now fascinated with nipples. Evelyn was pretty confused when he poked hers LOL

Kyrie and I had a good time skating while the babies hung out in the play area

Hanging out at the Skate Place playing with spoons

Ready for bathtime

Eating their birthday cake. They LOVED it!

Yummy cake

OMG om nom nom!

Unconditional Parenting Chapters 1-4

After lurking the attachment parenting board on babycenter for quite awhile I kept seeing the book Unconditional Parenting mentioned in responses on nearly every topic. I decided it sounded like a very interesting read and I bought it as soon as I had a chance. When I first started reading it I must admit I was a little wary. Chapter 2 was particularly difficult for me to understand and I actually put the book down for quite some time before finally picking it up again and starting from the beginning today. Four chapters in and this book is totally blowing my mind, but in a good way. I have been against physical punishment for a long time but this book is making me realize that many other forms of punishment and even rewards can be harmful. It is definitely against the mainstream thinking when it comes to parenting but after getting this far into the book it is starting to make a lot of sense. I am excited to continue reading and evaluating this book.

Just another reason why I attachment parent

I was reading my babycenter attachment parenting board when I came across a post that really made me feel good about the choices I am making with parenting. The person who started the thread posted this link http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=110126/OklahomaState. It is a dad's memory of his son that passed away in an accident recently. This is part of the story 

He can picture it so clearly. Every night, after being placed in his crib, Little Nate would hop right out and curl into bed with his mother and father. If they told him no, Nate would cry, and Zane and Ann would cave in and let him stay. Zane had been told by friends that this was a bad precedent to set, that toddlers need to learn to separate from their parents at some point. So one night, he let Little Nate stay up until about 10 p.m., got him good and tired and laid him down in his crib. And in case the kid climbed out, Zane locked the master bedroom door.

The next morning, he woke up, thinking, wow, it worked. Then he looked over at his door and noticed a tiny hand underneath. Nate had again escaped the crib and fallen asleep trying to reach through the bottom of the door. All Zane could see was five baby fingers. God, he felt awful. So that's the memory that keeps flooding back to him, that's the one that still makes him break down, even now.

Because he'd do anything to have one more night with Nate.

Reading this literally made me feel sick to my stomach. Society pressures us into forcing our babies to grow up and be independent when WE decide they need to not when THEY are ready. I am going to enjoy every moment of co-sleeping and snuggle time that I have with Calvin. I never want to look back and wish I hadn't forced him to sleep alone. Because someday, when that time comes, I'll wish for just one more night with him.

Birthday party drama :(

So I thought that things had cooled down between my mom and dad. Yes they can't stand each other but they had both been being pretty civil (besides the times dad gets drunk and acts like an ass). So I wanted to throw a first birthday party for Cal but we don't have money right now so I wanted to do it as cheaply as possible. I figured dad could probably get the trumpet room for free so I texted Shelly's phone and asked if dad would be able to help me out. BIG MISTAKE! He decided that he and Shelly were going to pay for everything and told me that he would only do it if my mom couldn't come. Thinking I didn't really have another option since I didn't have the money to have it elsewhere I told him ok. I figured I could have a separate party with my mom and the walmart people. Well after arguing with Shelly over her issues (she constantly says things about us hating her and stuff) dad said we would talk about it later. I didn't hear from him for awhile. I figured he was mad about me getting snippy with Shelly.

I talked to mom and she offered to pay for a party for Cal. And she told me I could invite anyone I wanted. Perfect! So I had Debbie talk to Ron on Friday and booked a party at The Skate Place for the day after Cal's birthday. Wouldn't you know it, got a text yesterday from Shelly: 


 "what are you doing for Cal's birthday?"
"We're having it at the skate place. But I still want to do something with you, dad, shonna and marissa"
"When? Can we come?" 
"Feb 17th 4:30-6:30 and I would love if you would come. But my mom is going to be there so if you will be uncomfortable I'd understand. We can just do something separate" 
"Good you have your mom dont try to get close too much drama"
So I'm sitting there thinking wow...if you would use punctuation maybe that would make sense.
"I don't understand what you mean"
"Have a good party see you spring or summer maybe"
So now she totally pissed me off. If this was the first time she'd pulled out the pity me card I would have just dealt with it but she does this every time I talk to her. Made me really mad because if she couldn't put on her big girl panties for one day and come to his party she could at least agree to do something separate. So I had had enough and I sent back "No, forget it. Don't text me anymore." 
And I threw my phone down a flight of stairs and went and had a nice cry and got my anger out by cleaning my bedroom. Looked at my phone a few hours later and she had sent "I wont ever again" 
Had a missed call from my dad and a final message from Shelly that said "you still have your dad dont ever contact shonna again"
I sent back "No, if you are going to be like this I want nothing to do with dad. And that is Shonna's decision not yours. Leave me alone."


I hate drama. Totally ridiculous.